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Today is supposed to be another day.

I climb the stairs to the only bedroom with a lock. Dante is in bed, sweating, eyes glazed over as he looks out the window, at the grey skies above. He insisted upon pushing his bed to the very corner of the room, beside that window. Or so Ig has told me.

Ig is in a folding chair beside Dante's bed, trying to get Dante to drink. Today, Ig is male, and gone is the faded orange shawl he wears on female days. That does not matter, though; Ig still does not bother paying me much mind. When Dante spoke to me, when he imparted the burned words of wisdom, his eyes always bore into mine, a quiet intensity smouldering there. Ig can barely bring himself to see me.

Dante's eyes are different, now. When he can keep them open, they're tired, or they rove all over the place. They look wet, glassy, sometimes their lids are ringed with red. Sometimes, blood vessels pulse there. His own body is raging against him. I do not understand why.

When Dante speaks, his words are wavering, winded, worn. Dante has always said many things that do not seem clear, but they made more sense when I vented my rage. In that warm glow, I could accept what he said.

Dante raves, I don't belong, but I've gone too far to not belong, so I'm stuck. And it's what I deserve. After all the shit I've done, this is what I deserve.

Ig says, no, that's not true. You've got remorse, real, actual remorse. That makes you different. That makes you more human. That's something he's never seen before, says Ig. Ig is quiet, intent on Dante. He does not slip over Dante, or dismiss Dante.

Dante's ruined eyes open, and fall on me. What good is remorse, Dante asks. What good is remorse, when you can see what I've done on top of everything else? It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make anything better. He drapes his forearm across his eyes, and I bolt down the stairs as Ig moves to remove it.

Seeing Dante like this, hearing the words tumbling out of him, it makes something like fear claw its way back into my gut. I need to burn it out. I need to douse it in fire.